


why the words

by penguinmina_uwu



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Could Be Canon, Depression, Gen, Haechan deserves the world, I'm Sorry, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan Is The Sun, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, References to Depression, Sad Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, The Author Regrets Everything, Triggers, author is projecting, be careful, but not in this fic, i mean i guess it kind of is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:15:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27394828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penguinmina_uwu/pseuds/penguinmina_uwu
Summary: Words.They’re everywhere. Used in such beautiful ways. Used so creatively in books. Sending a message through music. People use it all the time. Hurtful or nice, the words are still there. Words are needed for communication. But even if there are so many words, why do none of them describe how he feels.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25
Collections: me ranting through idols





	why the words

Words.

They’re everywhere. Used in such beautiful ways. Used so creatively in books. Sending a message through music. People use it all the time. Hurtful or nice, the words are still there. Words are needed for communication. But even if there are so many words, why do none of them describe how he feels.

The words take up his brain. Inside, all he can hear is the repetition of words in his own mind. Telling him how much he does wrong. The words never stop, as they don’t in real life either. People constantly talk and use their words.

_ But why can’t I? _

The world goes so fast. Everyone seems to be getting everything done. They get their good grades. They get their prizes. They get their promotions. No one else seems to be suffering. 

_ Am I the only one? _

His own members, his own family. They’re all so talented. They proudly flaunt their talents. They can make their music. They can dance so well. Their singing and rapping is out of the world.

_ But what do I have to show? _

He tries. He tries so hard. He tries to catch up with the others. But the words, oh the words. They drag him back. The words from the staff. Calling him slow. The words from the fans. Calling him a baby. The words from haters. Calling him useless. The words from his own mind. The words that torment him every minute of the day. Every day of the week. The words that call him a failure. The words that remind him of his lack of talent. The words that never seem to stop.

_ Just please, make it stop. _

Everyday, he puts up a mask, putting on a fake smile, so fake it looks real. He bounces around, trying to annoy the members, ignoring the hurt he feels when they push him away. He has a mask in front of the camera, putting up the act of the maknae on top that his fans seem to like so much. He ignores the words in his head until he’s finally alone. 

_ Shut up. _

He locks himself in the bathroom, the only time he gets to be alone. He turns on the shower, to mask out the sound of him crying. If anyone puts their ear to the bathroom door, they would hear the sound of a shower running and a few faint cries. 

_ But who would pay attention to me? _

Words. 

Just letters put in different ways. Who knew that his weakness would be words and nothing else. Who knew that words would be hurting him physically and mentally. Who knew something that seems so minuscule and not important, is what would make him break. 

Words surround him.

Words control him.

Words drag him down.

Words don’t let him keep going.

Words made him give up.

  
  
  
  


_ I’m sorry. _

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really sorry. I was crying while writing this. I don't think anyone would've cried but idk. I'm just in a bad place. Things at home are bad and I can't really get out of the house thanks to covid. So this is the only place where I can really project. I don't really want to bother my friends more than I already have. jhfkjfhjkdfsdjfkjdfbjdf yeah I'm just dying so that's nice.
> 
> ANYWAYS
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this. I know I have two other stories I need to update. It's literally been like 8 months since I touched that one but it was because I've kind of lost interest in BTS. (Please don't come at me I really do love them!) And I've had no inspiration to write the other one so that's just great. I doubt anyone's actually reading my shit but if you are, I'm sorry.
> 
> I hope you guys have a great day! Don't be afraid to leave a comment. I want to hear what you would say! Thank you!!!!
> 
> \- penguinmina_uwu >.<


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